Social skills are used to communicate with others on a daily basis in a variety of ways including verbal, nonverbal, written and visual. Social skills are also referred to as interpersonal or soft skills.
Whether we call them soft skills, social/emotional skills, social/emotional intelligence or growth mindset, there is a consensus among researchers and practitioners that we need certain abilities to achieve our fullest potential at school, in our professional careers, and in our private lives. These abilities help us recognize and manage our emotions, cope with obstacles and life challenges, and enhance communication skills and good interpersonal relations (including empathy).
12 Ways To Improve Social Skills
You can start improving your social skills by following these 12 strategies and soon, you’ll be able to enter into conversations with confidence.
- Behave Like a Social Person. Make the decision to talk to new people and to enter into conversations even when you’re feeling nervous about it. Over time, it will get easier.
- Start Small if Necessary. If going to a party or spending time in a crowd seems overwhelming, start small. Go into the grocery store and say, “Thank you,” to the clerk or go to a restaurant and order your food. Practice small talk gradually.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions. If you want the attention off you in a conversation, get familiar with open-ended questions. Encourage others to talk so you won’t have to make the idle chit-chat. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer and you may open the door to invite the other person to keep the conversation going.
- Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves. Most people really enjoy talking about themselves. Ask a question about a person’s career, hobbies, or family. Show you’re interested in hearing what is being said.
- Create Goals For Yourself. Establish some small goals for yourself. Perhaps you want to practice one particular skill or maybe you want to start attending a social activity in your community.
- Offer Compliments Generously. Compliments can be a great way to open the door to a conversation.
- Read Books About Social Skills. There are many books on the market that can help you learn specific social skills and ways to start conversations.
- Practice Good Manners. Good manners go a long way in improving social skills. Practice being polite, showing gratitude, and using good table manners.
- Pay Attention to Your Body Language. Non-verbal communication is very important. Pay attention to the type of body language you use. Try to appear relaxed, make appropriate amounts of eye contact, and appear open to conversation.
- Join a Social Skills Support Group. Many communities offer social skill support groups. Support groups help people who feel shy, awkward, or extremely anxious in social situations learn and practice new skills.
- Stay Up to Date on Current Events. Read up on current trends and news stories so you have something to talk about with people. It may be less intimidating to avoid anything that is too controversial, such as politics, but do talk about other news stories that may be of interest.
- Identify and Replace Negative Thoughts. If you have a lot of negative thoughts about your social interactions, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, a person who thinks, “I’m really awkward and I will embarrass myself,” may sit in the corner at a party. As a result, he may leave the party thinking that he must be really awkward because no one talked to him. Identify negative thoughts that are likely dragging you down. Replace them with more realistic thoughts such as, “I can make conversation and I can meet new people.”
What are some tips for healthy communication?
Healthy communication takes practice and planning. Here are some tips to help you get started.
- Use “I statements.” Say things like, “I feel upset when you ___” instead of, “You’re making me upset.” Steer clear of blaming or accusing them of purposely trying to hurt you.
- Be clear and direct. No one can read your mind, so tell them what you think, feel, and need.
- Don’t push aside your feelings. Bring up things that bother you early on so they don’t build up and become bigger problems.
- Build trust. Unless someone has given you a reason not to, believing that they’re telling you the truth and assuming that they mean well helps establish trust.
- Ask questions. If you don’t understand what they’re saying or why, ask questions. Don’t make assumptions.
- Talk in person. It’s really easy to misunderstand or misinterpret a text message or email. Talking in person (or through video chat) will allow you to hear their tone of voice and see their body language.
- Don’t yell. Getting angry or defensive during an argument is totally normal. But if you’re feeling upset or angry, take a break until you both cool off.
- Be willing to apologize. Everyone makes mistakes. Saying you’re sorry (and meaning it) goes a long way in helping to move on after a fight.
Resources and Helpful Links
- Effective Communication – Improving your Social Skills (Anxiety Canada)