Consent is the voluntary and explicit agreement to engage in sexual activity. It requires that a person is able to freely choose between YES and NO. A clear, enthusiastic and vocal “Yes” is the best form of consent, and all parties should be into it. A person’s outfit also does not signify consent, and no one ever “asks for it.”
On this page:
What is Consent?
Teens need to know that asking for consent is the first thing you do before touching anyone in a sexual way.
How to communicate consent:
- Set boundaries and limits
- Ask your partner(s) what their desires are
- Communicate your own desires
Examples:
- “Can I touch you here?”
- “Are you open to trying ___?”
- “How would you feel if I did ___?”
- “I like when you touch me here, but I’m not comfortable with ___.”
Tea and Consent
Breaking down myths and stigmas around consent
- It can feel awkward to talk about sex and consent
- The more you talk about it, the more normal it will become.
- Don’t want to ruin the mood
- Checking in with your partner(s) can actually be a turn-on, and reaffirms that all parties are into the sexual activity.
- Fear of rejection
- Asking for consent can open up the conversation about boundaries, which will bring more trust into the relationship and show that you respect your partner(s).
- Not sure how to communicate boundaries
- Boundaries don’t just relate to sexual activity. Practice setting boundaries in your daily life, such as if someone asks “Can I borrow your phone charger?”
- Embarrassed of personal sexual history/lack of sexual history
- If you feel more comfortable knowing your partner(s)’s sexual history, you can ask with consent. You also don’t need to feel obligated to disclose your sexual history, or lack thereof, unless asked.
- If they don’t say no, I can keep going
- You need to be aware of your partner(s)’s body language during sexual activity as well, because they may be afraid of saying no. Check in with your partner(s), especially if you’re unsure whether they’re having fun too
- Fear of losing the other person by saying “no”
- Respect is key in any relationship; if your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, it shows that you need to have a conversation about it, or it can be a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Consent is more than just a question and an answer. True and total consent is within an entire environment of developing trust and safety with each other, even if it’s just a one night thing.”
Cheryl M. Bradshaw, R.P., B.Ed, M.A
Even after #MeToo, we still don’t properly understand consent – until now. In this talk, the author of Real Talk About Sex and Consent, Cheryl Bradshaw, explains the vital missing information about true and total consent. Understand how consent is irrevocably tied to safety, and how sometimes “yes” actually means “no,” because the question should never have been asked in the first place. Learn more.
How Do You Know if Someone Wants to Have Sex with You? | Planned Parenthood Video
Sexting
Half of Canadian youth aged 16 to 20 have been sent a sext (a nude, partly nude or sexy photo) that they didn’t ask for. Whether you call them sexts, nudes, naked selfies or just pics, if you receive an intimate image like this, it’s your job to make the right choice about the sender’s privacy. There is no excuse to forward a sext that someone sent you.
What should I do if someone sends me a sext?
If you ever receive a sext, you should remind yourself that sharing and forwarding sexts:
- is against the law if the person in the image is under 18.
- is against the law without the person’s permission (regardless of age).
- is morally wrong.
- hurts the person in the image in ways that may last a lifetime.
If you received the sext non-consensually:
- Delete the sext
- Block the person
- Tell a trusted adult
- Report it to the police if they continue harassing you.
Before sexting, you also need to ask for consent.
- It’s never okay to send unwanted sexts, even to a long-term partner. If your partner is okay with sexting, ask them before you send anything.
- Never pressure, coerce, or guilt someone to send intimate photos. If someone says “no” to sending a nude photo, respect their choice.
Learn more about online consent.
More info
Resources for survivors in the area:
SACHA of Hamilton: A sexual assault centre providing a 24 hour support line, counselling, diverse communities outreach program, and public education.
905-525-4162: 24 hour phone line available in over 300 languages.
SAVIS of Halton: Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Services, offering free and confidential 24/7, one-on-one crisis counselling services, as well as support groups, a senior program, anti-human trafficking support services, a male ally network, and public education.
905-875-1555: 24 hour phone line.
The Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence (SA/DV) Care Centre: provides confidential health care for children, adolescents, women, transgender persons, and men who have experienced sexual assault and/or domestic violence.
