Healthy friendships are an integral aspect of youth development. Why?
- They contribute to a sense of belonging
- They promote healthy social skills such as communication, trust,
- They are a source of support and companionship
- They promote new experiences and sharing of interests
Building Healthy Friendships
The best relationships take effort to build. The Search Institute provides tips on building developmental relationships:
Express Care
- When talking with friends, ask follow-up questions that help you get to know them better.
- Let friends know you noticed when they do something you admire.
Challenge Growth
- Encourage friends to spend time doing things that will help them reach their future goals and dreams.
- Model how you put in an effort to learn. Push back if others dismiss the value of learning
Expand Possibilities
- Take turns with friends trying new food, music, or outings, based on each other’s interests.
- Introduce friends to people who can help them learn things that interest them.
Provide Support
- When a friend can’t figure out how to solve a problem, offer to talk it out together.
- Offer your support when friends face challenges. If needed, ask a trusted adult to be an ally and resource.
Share Power
- When you’re on a team or in a group, practice listening to others, negotiating, and making decisions that work well for everyone.
- Notice peers who tend to be left out or are quiet. Find ways to include them and give them a voice.
Unhealthy Friendships: What they look and feel like, what to do about them
What does an unhealthy friendship look like?
- Being teased or insulted regularly
- Having your feelings be dismissed
- Being peer pressured into things you do not want to do
- You are expected to give them all your attention on demand
- There is jealousy or resentment toward your other friends
What might you feel when you are in an unhealthy friendship?
- Your boundaries are not respected
- You give more than you receive
- You withhold telling them truths out of fear/avoidance of their reaction
- You feel like you have to lie for them or make excuses for their behaviour
- You feel like you are in competition with them
- You feel obligated to be their friend
Impacts of Unhealthy Friendships
- Increased anxiety or stress about friendship
- Withdrawing from other relationships or activities
- Feelings of uncertainty, or trying to “guess” what your friend needs, or how they will react
What To Do About Unhealthy Friendships
- Analyze the relationship: weigh the pros and cons. Compare what you get out of the friendship versus the effort you give. Consider the amount of time you spend worried, stressed, or upset about the friendship compared to the amount of time you feel happy, appreciated, and respected.
- Think about what is in your control: are there any boundaries you can put in place, or ones you can better enforce? Are you verbalizing when your feelings are hurt? Have you addressed how the friendship makes you feel?
- End the friendship: if you have reached your limits of effort, you have every right to walk away. Set clear boundaries about what this looks like; will it be best to have no contact with them moving forward? Will it hurt you to keep them on social media?
- Care for yourself: being in an unhealthy friendship can take its toll. Ending a friendship can be even more difficult, or maybe it can feel relieving. Recognize how you are feeling and be kind with yourself.
Source: Toxic Friends: 13 Signs You Have a Toxic Friendship (choosingtherapy.com)
